How to Help an Alcoholic Parent

The NSPCC helpline is contacted 30 times a day about parental substance misuse. Many families in the country are dealing with parental drinking daily, and at any age it can be difficult and upsetting for the children to deal with.

If you’re reading this and see your parent struggling, you first need to know that it is not your fault. You didn’t cause a parent to start drinking, and you are not responsible for fixing it.

You want to help, though, and that is a brave thing to do. We’re going to dig into the help there is for children of alcohol-dependent parents, how you can begin to broach the subject, and how Cassiobury Court can support you.

Understanding Alcohol Addiction

Alcohol dependence is when someone’s drinking has become harmful and a compulsion.

Signs of a parent living with an alcohol addiction include:

• Loss of control over drinking
• Experiencing cravings
• Continuing to drink despite the damage it is doing
• Going through withdrawal if they drink less or stop

You should not look to diagnose a parent by ticking off symptoms from a checklist. These are just indications and don’t fit every person. Some people may drink heavily but not be dependent on alcohol in the way that addiction can cause you to be.

If you gain more understanding of how alcohol affects behaviour, you may be able to be more compassionate to your parent. This compassion, though, does not mean you accept harmful or unsafe behaviour.

Alcohol is not an excuse for abuse or for you to have to live with it.

 

How to Talk to Your Parent About Alcohol

Talking to a parent about drinking will be difficult, and you may not know where to start.

Choose a Calm, Safe Moment

If you are an adult wanting to speak to your parent, try to have a private conversation with them when they are sober. Make sure it is a place you are comfortable and safe, without distractions, so that everyone is calm and focused.

During the discussion, avoid sounding judgemental. Instead, concentrate on framing it around your personal observations and using “I” statements. For example, you can open with, I’m worried about how drinking is affecting your health.”

It’s a conversation, so be prepared to listen without blame and avoid getting into an argument. Don’t use labels and don’t ambush them with a confrontational intervention.

Offer a Practical Next Step

Having ideas for next steps helps. You could suggest they speak to their GP or an alcohol service and even offer to help arrange it.

Don’t go big though and take on all responsibility. Offer small, concrete support that lets them know you are there for them, but this is their journey, and they have to take the lead.

If you are a child, it is not on you to confront your parent or persuade them to stop.

Supporting Treatment Without Taking Over

When encouraging a parent to get treatment, it can help to know what that will entail.

If looking at residential rehabs, treatment starts with an assessment to get a clearer idea of their drinking, physical health and treatment needs. If required, medically supported withdrawal may be necessary to manage potentially severe symptoms. Psychological treatments, such as addiction counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can help in addressing underlying issues. Relapse prevention will help in providing strategies for maintaining recovery after rehab.

You can also find support through the NHS or look into local community organisations. The form of support best for them should be dependent on their treatment needs.

The desire can be to jump in and help. Don’t get them to abruptly stop drinking or arrange home detox, as withdrawal can be dangerous without medical advice.

Any family involvement should be with your parent’s consent and respect their confidentiality. If they don’t want your help, forcing it on them might not improve the situation.

 

What to Do If Your Parent Is Simply Not Ready for Help

A parent’s refusal does not mean you failed. You can’t always get through to them, so keep your offers of support open if it is safe for you to do so.

Remember to get support for yourself so you can live well and keep your side of the street clean.

Protecting Your Own Wellbeing and Safety

The most important thing to remember is that you cannot control your parent. Even if you are living with them, what you can do is protect your own physical and mental health.

Setting Boundaries as an Adult

Set firm boundaries. Do not accept any abusive behaviour, do not give them money and perhaps limit contact when they are drunk. A boundary you can employ simply is that if shouting starts during a conversation, end it and return when you feel safe.

Your parent may look at these as punishments or attempts to control their drinking. Boundaries are just actions that you can take that are within your control.

Helping a loved one with an addiction can be hard. You should seek out counselling, perhaps attend a support meeting and maintain good relationships with others. Even if it pains you to do so, take a step back from your parent if you think it’s necessary.

 

Where Families Can Find Support

There are many resources in the UK available to you, no matter your age:

• For anyone affected by a parent’s drinking, even if you’re an adult, you can contact Nacoa via their free helpline 0800 358 3456.

• Al-Anon is an organisation that supports anyone whose life has been impacted by someone else’s drinking.

• If you’re under 19, call Childline at 0800 1111 for help.

Living with alcoholism is hard, and you deserve help, even if your parent is not getting treatment.

 

How Can Cassiobury Court Help?

Cassiobury Court is a private residential drug and alcohol rehab in Watford.

We provide personalised treatment programmes based on thorough assessments. We also offer family support and can provide help with an intervention if that is what is needed.

Contact the admissions team today to talk about our treatment options and whether we are the best fit for your parent.